Cambridge, Hallow'een / All Hallows Eve, 2007 - I was recently subject of a wrongful dismissal, and chose to settle out of court no small thanks to my counseling and my allies. British labor law also gave me help, compared with what happened in America two years ago, when having no civic rights on a working visa I returned to England. Here is what I learned.

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My biggest lesson is a reframing of my view of myself: I think I am organised but not disciplined; I now see that being organised is good, it keeps my life in order and shows respect for myself and for others. Lack of discipline is however a distress, something I have to work on to regain my self-confidence. And working on my issues as an immigrant and a professional - not to cower, and to stay visible - are my current pieces of work with my family, allies and friends.

• never settle for anything less than absolutely everything - however scary it was to confront my management, I said plainly what my situation was, had them agree that is was so, asked for the severance I wanted, and go it
• I'm not going to kill myself doing this - this addresses the first two male oppressors (1-2), and means that I took my time to think and act as clearly as my state allowed - that meant not isolating (3) and seeking help with family, friends and colleagues
• DAD (decide, act, discharge) - means that I thought it out, acted and sought local and remote support to manage my feelings (4) - neither did I wait forever until I acted (my patterns can freeze me), nor did I act foolishly (which my patterns had me do earlier on)
• this is my battle, to face the demons in my mind - I took responsibility and sought the courage to face up to my situation, which included re-arranging my lifestyle and my family's, but not before consulting with everyone and having everyone agree to it
• this is not my stuff (down tone), my thinking as perfectly clear (up tone) - my mantra I repeat when I feel my blood boil, together with a deep breath to contradict many a patterned reaction that I might regret later on

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1-2: overwork and kill-or-be-killed (we are conditioned to work ourselves to death, or to attack each other unto death)
3:    third male oppressor, isolation (we are conditioned not to seek assistance, and to tough it out alone like a cowboy)
4:    fourth male oppressor, cut-off discharge (we are conditioned not to show emotion, not to cry or not to feel anything)